I would just like to lead off by saying Bahamut is a great god. A god that demands nothing but devotion. Istus requires detailed journal entries. I like killing things. Fighting. I do not like “writing” and “the arts.” Arts, farts. FAAAAAART
Istus is good, possibly an egg. Bahamut is great.
Anyway, where was I? The first thing i remember in this leg of our journey was Duggan departing to start piecing things together. That Duggan.
So remember that girl with the sending stone? The one that turned out to be a skeleton? We take her bones! Everyone is pleased with out job. Not our job of taking the bones, but our job of vanquishing the enemy. Yeah, i used the word vanquishing and i am an illiterate dwarf. SO WHAT? Anyway, onward and upward. Make our way to Timbervale.
Did you know Istus is actually a female god? I did some research recently using a god named “Googele” which directed me to a god named “wikipedia” and i found this out. The more you know. NBC. What is an NBC?
Anyway, we find Rangren at a tavern. Nice fella. The tavern, however, is crowded as shit. Last time we were here, not so much. What happened? We ripped this town from the shackles of oppression is what happened. We have pleased Rangren (no homo, except for obblet and welltick) and he gives us $1,000!!! He gave me a nice present too. No I will not give you details, nosey. We decice, “hey, let’s buy our adoring fans a beer and a shot!!” Buy a round for the house. 3 gold! 3 goddamn gold! Bahamut is great! Praise be to Bahamut!
For a hot minute we discussed adopting children. We would be great fathers. 4 men and a baby (and a gigantic fucking bear). Alas! We say NAY! That child might get raped. I am not sure who said that or why, but it is true. Rape: Not funny.
ANYWAY, we go find Fiona at the orphanage. Charming little place, what with the abandoned kids and all. Rustic. We then pull her friends bones out. We give her said bones. She balls her eyes out. This emotion confuses me. Then, get a load of this: she drops the bones and cracks her friends skull! Some friend. She gives us the other sending stone. Now we have a set. We bury the bones and i preside over the funeral. Bahamut uber alles. If you listen carefully, the wind says “THAAAAANK YOUUUUUU.”
So then we walk into this shop. And this shopkeep, who we will call Dinarv…no wait, D. D asks us to stock the shelves. We oblige. We finish. FIne job if i do say so myself. Then we play tricks. Big tricks. Obblet the trickster distracts D and LOCKS him im in a BUREAU!!! A BUREAU!!!! THEEENNNN Fox sneaks into the backroom and finds…DANK GRASS!!! I have only heard mythical stories. Wicked fucking stories. FLOWERBLOOM 11TH MAN!!! We light that shit and blow it into the bureau with a bellows. Welp, he is an addict now. Oh well. Weak minded, yeah? He gives us a map.
Well we go and talk to the bartender Tala. ANd we say “Hey tala! Here is 100 gold! keep an eye on D for a few months, yeah? help him break the habit! Dank grass is not good!!!” She says yeah of course and lets us stay in the in for free! Praise be to Bahamut.
We settle into our room and order room service. Welltick, against everyone’s better judgement after witnessing D, smokes the dank grass. His face, almost instantly, turns white. A look of terror strikes him. No response. The rest of us decide it best to go to sleep.
We wake up the next morning aaaand… Welltick is in the same position. Oh brother. The work of Istus no doubt. 3 hours later, he falls to the ground like a sack of bricks. He says there is no way to describe it. Cool story, bro. FAAAAAART
We venture to Aleg’s house! We put forth a proposal to purchase the brewery. After much bargaining, we come to a deal: we get the brewery back up and running and staffed and we split the profit 70% for us, 30% for him. NO MONEY DOWN. We put together a motley crew, indeed: Fiona, Tomart(?), Wolfa, Ofgeald, THorin, and Borin. THorin and Borin: they are legitimate. No fuckin around there.
ANYWAY: We go to the brewery. Kind of really a mess. We rummage, look this way and that. Head to the basement: GELATINOUS CUBE! FIGHT!
Yeah, after much hardship we beat said cube. I was in him at one point.
We leave the basement where the cube was and run into the new crew. Mention the mess of the former cube to the crew and thorin and borin hop on it to taste. Possible ingredient in a future brew. BEE TEE DUBS: Name of brewery is STONES AND BONES BREWERY. We take a break: HESHER.
ANYWAY: we left for the hole in the map. (quick aside: there is a hole in the map that intrigues us.) THEN Duggan catches up to us. He gives us letters from the tomb! Welltick and I buy horses, Obblet and Fox try cracking the messages. They crack the messages, but i do not understand it.
We setup camp for the night and in the morning this mystery boy brings us coffee. In exchange, we teach him how to hit on hot little Fiona. “I’ve got a BONE for YOU!” (In reference to her friend, ms. bag of bones) then lick ear. You must whisper this into her ear. HOT.
Then we got a letter from the red cape faggot. He is part of “The Golden Pride.” The Golden Gay Pride? Maybe. His letter says “Know that we are with you, even if you are not with us.” What the fuck is that shit? He is the one that stormed into our team, gave us no details, then left with no warning or detail. And he has the balls? He will get his.
We get up and go. We stop and see a stickbug. Majestic. We notice a large daed forest. Obblet theorizes that it is a lot of stick bugs. Maybe he had the dank grass? We notice croakers (AH HA!) in the forest stripping the trees. FIGHT! Of course we make short work of them though. We are experienced fighters. Made all the stronger by our experience together. They are giant frogs. Do that math slapnut.
ANYWAY, after making short work of them, we find boots.
Then this lady in the water thanks us. She is the protector of the forest. She gives me a floating orb which is a POWER JEWEL.
We finally get to the hole on the map, which turns out to be an expansive bog. Hmm, maybe Welltick was right? No, definitely not. Eww, it smells bad. We see a man made structure in the distance. It is hard, but we cross the bog to the stone structure. It goes down into the bog. We see an outline of a bird. a Carrion bird to be specific. It is a crow or a raven. we decide to call it a day. much exploring ahead. Bahamut, be good. Istus, yeah.