Obblet and Welltick wake up in the night. It’s quiet. Obblet procures a small pouch from a pocket and snorts a bit of ash. “That’s good ash,” he might have said. It has no effect, and he puts it back.
Something is different about this room. Naxgarth notes a religious presence around us, but, it’s hard to gauge with him because he’s always going on and on about religious stuff, and, whatever. Hard to believe in a lot of that stuff when your family was murdered by bandits and you were raised by a goddamned bear. Whatever, it’s fine.
Agreeing that the vibe is too weird here, we leave the room to investigate the situation. The town is small enough, and it’s late enough now, that we could manage to pull off a heist, pad our pockets a bit. Can’t say we don’t deserve it. Welltick illuminates the hallway of the innl, but there isn’t much to see. Nax makes a note of the incredible stillness in the environment. I turn to see Obblet behind the bar, pulling a sweet draft of beer for himself. I have turn, that is, because I have been in the corner masturbating.
Inn cleared. We go outside. The air remains very placid, and we are all in agreement that there is no noticeable temperature. The only source of light we can see is the dump. We head toward the light, when Naxgarth starts to feel a guttural pull back to the inn. Heyyyyy. He starts talking about how he feels an evil presence coming from the light source, Heyyyyy but, again, Naxgarth.
Now reader, I must tell you that this will seem crazy to a standard manbeing, but I swear it to be true. We were in no town at all! We awoke, not knowing we had been asleep, the 5 of us in a sunny field. Where are we? Were we ever really in that town? Did we share this dream together? What did Ronald see?
A man has been watching us sleep, shouting at us intermittently. Maybe for hours. He introduces himself to us as the Sharn-dweller Aelys. Welltick pays careful attention to this newcomer. Aelys says he has a left behind a life of academia and wishes to see the world up close. He likes the look of our party of seasoned veterans, and is desperate to see some crazy shit. Naxgarth doesn’t trust him. Now reader, I must tell you that this will seem crazy, but I swear it to be true: Naxgarth and Obblet blow each other. That’s what it says here.
Aelys points out that behind us there large stones lying in the field, right where we woke up. I’m hesitant to touch the stones because I remember the last goddamn time I touched a stone, so I keep my distance. Atop the stone is a smaller little trinket. A mint, from the inn! Maybe we weren’t sleeping after all, but, what happened to the town?
No time. We head toward Gardmore Abbey from Winterhaven. As we walk, we each get a turn to ask a few questions of Aelys and tell stories of our travels. No time. The Abbey lies before is, expansive and overgrown. A village to the east, a keep at the north point, and steep cliffs on the west and south. I scout out 2 orcs and 1 ogre holding watch over the walls. We send Obblet to sneak up the wall and take care of things. He climbs up the tower and signals back that he’s doing great and that he’s killed most of them. We head up to help him and totally take them by surprise. We’re doing great. I land a Splintering Shot on the ogre, Welltick is bringing out some Zombie Hands, Ronald is being a bear, Aelys casts this thing called Halo of Thorns around Naxgarth and it’s awesome.
The zombie hands that Welltick has cast are fearsome. They pull an orc underground. As he succumbs to the gravity of his situation, we hear him gurgle “I didn’t even finish my bucket list!!!”
Aelys kills an orc, sending hot blood splattering on his face. “Welcome to death, bitch!” he might have said. Obblet slits the throat of the last orc, and we’ve cleared the tower as simple as that. Welltick finds a tusk and takes a moment to dance on the table.
This is all well and good, but we’re on a mission here. We’re looking for cards, and we hear some big orc chief with dreadlocks might have it. We head toward the Keep, but there’s a two-headed security guard who says we need some kind of passing word to gain access.
Aelys puts his skills to the test and bluffs the guard, saying he forgot the word, but the dumb guard says he’ll let him through if he brings back a bottle of the good stuff. We don’t have any good stuff at all, but we pool our resources to brew a bottle of good stuff. It works! Dumb two-headed guard buys it and Aelys gets into the Keep. There’s a big orcish-looking fella in dreadlocks who isn’t too happy to see him. We were wrong. This isn’t the chief, it’s the shaman. He tells us that a group of 4 or 5 has preceded us, one with pointy ears.
You guys, you don’t think…?